wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's always time for handjobs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
