come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
