Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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