do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
