Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
