Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
