Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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