You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I won the penis lottery.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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