im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
