Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize