Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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