in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Boobs speak an international language.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
