i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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