please come you make the beer taste better
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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