hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
