So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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