Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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