I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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