she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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