I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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