Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
