Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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