Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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