Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
