I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize