I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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