I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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