You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
