my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize