My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
