Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
