My nipple is on Facebook.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
