I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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