Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
