Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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