are you so shy because you have an std?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
