tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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