I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
