Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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