It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
