the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
