Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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