I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
