i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
