i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize