its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
