If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
