Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
