How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
