If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
