This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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