Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
