you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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