his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
