Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
