OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
