1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
