so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
FUCK WHALES
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize