ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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