wakey wakey hands off snakey
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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