Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
