just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
