the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
