lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
