wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
