i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
