wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
