can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
4 words: hood of his car
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
