my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
