i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
