May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
