I am in a vortex of obligation.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
