I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
