i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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