I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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