and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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