I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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