So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
