just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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