You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
