dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
