thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
