I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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