I'm so fucking centered right now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
