This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize