forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
