Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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