Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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