I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
