Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize