Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
