Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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