He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
