I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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