i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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