who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He kissed a someone with a penis
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
