I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
