youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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