wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
