Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
