I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jerry, you need to find god
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
