; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
