batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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