Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
40s are totally the cure
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
